Disaster Movie

Ok gang. Are you ready to make a movie??

YESSSSSS (with a load cheer).

Ok first, let's put on some old clothes because this is going to be messy. First we use as our base a great big old helping of Cloverfield. Take big handfuls of Enchanted, Alvin and the Chipmunks and High School Musical, and set them side by side on top of the Cloverfield base, be careful, this is tricky, and it is easy to spill. You can spice the recipe it up with some Amy Winehouse if you wish, just a matter of personal taste. While waiting for the main meal you can use 10,000 BC as an appetizer for your guests while the main dish is finished being prepared (the total preparation time for this movie is in the neighborhood of two hours, not the usual two to three years as with most movies). Now to our scrumptious main dish add huge dashes of Juno, and throw in some crushed Superbad, cubed Iron Man, one small can of Speed Racer and two tablespoons of the Hulk. In a side dish put little slices of Twister, Sex in the City, Hancock and Kung Fu Panda, put into a blender, and then pour into the main dish. Now give it all a great big old happy stir, cover, and cook till done.

And what do we have? We have a huge fucking mess. This better be the worst movie of the year, or we are in trouble. If you go spend your money on this horrible excuse of a movie, please be forewarned. It is not "funny" bad, it is just bad. The gags aren't funny. The whole thing feels like it was written in two hours. Did they just write little gags onto little pieces of paper, throw them up in the air, and whatever order they came down in, that is where they stayed?

It is useless to talk about the acting because the script is so bad; there is nothing to latch onto. I really can't imagine the script being worse than the one they actually came up with (hypothetically I am sure it is possible). Being able to make a really funny movie is an art, and there have been a lot of comedy movies that have failed at the box office this summer (I haven't even seen The Love Guru yet). Disaster Movie is a bottom-of-the-barrel movie. Disaster Movie is a huge rip-off.

You only have a short period of time here on earth. Please use your time wisely. Stay home and watch Night of the Hunter on TCM instead.

You can write to James Harper at movielover77061@yahoo.com